A child of a narcissist parent has to do things simply because the narcissist parent said so. This is because the emotional cost of going against a narcissist parent is so high, most children (whether 5 years old or 35 years old) would never risk doing so.
This isn't just a problem that occurs with secular narcissistic parents. Many people with personality disorders actually like tradition, and Torah and good manners, and are externally very 'pious' - although not for the right reasons.
'Frum' Jewish Narcissists will learn Torah to show off their intellectual superiority, or to help them win arguments or to force other people to do things 'their way'. While they are very keen to adopt external stringencies or 'humrot', at least in public (and to force their kids into going along with them), they won't apply the Torah they learn to their own actions, their own negative character traits, or their own hearts.
For example, frum narcissists are often fanatical about Pesach cleaning, or about insisting that their children sit quietly at the table throughout the entire Shabbat meal. Because they put so much emphasis on impressing other people and are drawn to positions of influence and power, many narcissists may even be a notable 'Rabbi', scholar or rebbetzin.
But where as genuinely holy people are humble, self-effacing and genuinely don't say a bad word about anyone else, frum Jewish narcissists will use their position of influence to show off, say damaging things about other people and generally mock and disparage anyone and anything that isn't in strict alignment with their own worldview.
That's because another defining trait of Jewish narcissists is that their way of doing things is the only right way. Religiously, wherever the Jewish narcissist is holding, that is the only correct place. Other people will be 'too frum', or 'not frum enough', and don't even get them started about all the 'stupid minhagim' and 'stupid ideas' and 'illogical practices' and 'weird humrot' (religious stringencies) practised by other people.
This has massive implications for the baal teshuva child of narcissist parents, and also for any child of 'orthodox' narcissists, who was put off G-d and religion by parents who took every opportunity to associate mitzvoth with coercion, guilt, punishment, criticism or threats.
Jewish narcissists often find children who are less religious than they are appealing (even if they deny it), because it puts them in a position of permanent superiority over their child: G-d is on their side, and the child can be made to feel their inferiority in myriad ways.
Even when the child does their best to keep their Jewish narcissist parent happy, frequently at the cost of enormous emotional or practical effort, the parent won't recognise their self-sacrifice in any way. In the Jewish narcissist parent's mind, the child simply did what they had to do, and what the parent deserved. (In the secular literature, this is referred to as parentifying - where the parent acts like a child and expects the child to 'look after' them).
A child of a Jewish narcissist parent (frum or not) usually feels as though they can never do anything right, or good enough, and will go through their life feeling judged, worthless and wrong.
The following excerpt is from an email I received from one of my clients (used with permission), and clearly shows the link between having a narcissist parent and a number of today's prevalent emotional issues and problems, including self-hatred, 'beating yourself up' disease, and feeling worthless and depressed:
"Before I realised that my mother was a narcissist, I could read an 'innocuous' email from her that simply ignored me and my life, while telling me about how great my siblings were doing, and I could then spend the next week literally feeling like I wanted to die - without having any clue about what was really going on.
Understanding the connection between my mother making me feel worthless (in her very subtle way) and my terrible depression was the key to curing it. If I let my guard down with her for a second, she could make me feel suicidal, like my soul had been murdered and severed from G-d."