When we moved to Jerusalem almost two years’ back, I hoped that shiur would kind of transplant itself into my new location, and particularly to our ‘Meaning of Life’ Centre, that we opened in the Old City.
I got to class number five, when all the stabbings and fatal, deliberate road accidents broke out, and the Old City suddenly became one of the hottest spots to avoid for around 100 miles around. Even Harlem was safer!
Still, we tried to carry on.
I sat in that Meaning of Life Centre advertising shiurim that no-one came to for around another two months, and the experience pretty much broke me and my husband into pieces. So much so, that I think I’ve come to subconsciously equate giving classes with probably the hardest time of my life.
The last few months, as things have calmed down a little, I’ve had the thought pop-up again in my head that I should start again. After all, God’s helped me to get six books published the last year, and I have a lot to say.
That horrible, sick, semi-panicked feeling I nearly drowned in two years’ ago resurfaces, and I just can’t do it. I can’t set the date on Janglo, I can’t say ‘yes’ to the good friend who’s been encouraging me to talk for a year, already.
The sick feeling taunts me:
What if no-one shows up again?
What if no-one likes what you’re saying?
What if you start feeling like SUCH a lost, broken loser again?
Do you really want to risk that happening?
And up until now, the answer has been a resounding ‘heck, no!’
Even though I love giving classes, even though people have loved coming to them, I just can’t do it again.
The last week, God’s been pushing me to stand up to the sick feeling, and try again. Even though it scares me stiff. Even though it’s pulled up a whole bunch of ‘back there’ emotions that I thought I’d dealt with, but clearly just shoved into some internal box, instead.
So now, dear reader, after a lot of soul-searching, I’ve decided to start doing classes to teach ‘Talk to God and Fix Your Health’.
The first one will be on Sunday, May 22 at 11am, at my home in Jerusalem.
If you’d like to come, please drop me an email, and I’ll give you the details.
If you’d like to listen in after the event, I’m hoping to record it, and to get it up on the web later on. In fact, I’m going to do that even if NO-ONE shows in person, because a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.
Dear reader, I feel a bit shaky even typing this, because when the Meaning of Life failed, it took down so much of my optimism, self-confidence and belief in my ability to do this stuff, any more.
But I know it’s what God wants. So even though it’s scaring the pants off me in so many ways, I’m going to try to give it to Him.
Also, don't forget you can buy the book - now with 18 positive reviews - on Amazon, by clicking HERE.