I got up at 6am today, did an hour of hitbodedut (talking to God), got changed, drove my (14 year old…) kid to school, got stuck in Jerusalem’s rush hour traffic coming back, shot off to the bank as soon as I got home because my husband told me I needed to do something to get our mortgage approved (it still wasn’t approved…) came home, sorted out some stuff for my husband’s new business that launched last week, sorted out some urgent stuff for Sasson magazine, went through an edit of a book I helped translate, chased the designer on the Rav Berland ‘One in a Generation’ book to see what’s happening with it….
And now, almost six hours after I woke up, I still haven’t had breakfast.
Life has never been so stable around these parts, that’s just how it is. There’s always someone on the verge of a nervous breakdown, some big crisis, some huge issue, some big project that needs completing, or starting. That’s life, and most of the time I actually prefer the craziness to stagnation.
But man, I am currently keeping so many plates spinning that it’s starting to get too much, even for me.
This year, 5778, has been crazy right from the get go, when my MIL unexpectedly died the day after Rosh Hashana, which meant my husband flew into Israel from Uman the morning after Rosh Hashana, and then we flew straight out again that night to try to see her before she passed away (we didn’t manage. But we were there for the funeral and shiva.)
We flew back the evening before Yom Kippur, completely wasted. Succot also happened in a blur, and then both my kids started their new ulpanot, or religious high schools. They both hated them.
So one day, this one was at home, the next day, that one. One day, this one had missed their bus (because it’s hard to wake up at 6.15am anyway if you’re under 50, and if you have to wake up to go to a school you hate, and it’s also cold outside, then forget it….)
So I drove this one an hour and a half to school, and drove that one an hour and a half to school.
Then I realized I have to put a lot of work into Sasson Mag (which btw I actually really love) for it to have a chance of getting somewhere; and then my husband ‘hired’ me to get his new business off the ground; and then I got another part-time job with full-time responsibilities; and another unpaid job that takes more time out the day but again is so worth it; and then Rav Berland’s book - which was sitting there dormant for a year - suddenly burst back into life.
And my landlord just sold the flat we’re in (despite the fact our contract goes until October 2018…) so I probably have to find somewhere else to live soon and, and, and….
I have so many plates spinning, I can’t even count them.
But really, how long can this continue?
Yesterday, I woke up so overwhelmed I decided I HAD to go to the Baba Sali. Who cares it’s a 4 hour round trip from Jerusalem, what’s my car for anyway? (Apart from driving my teenagers to school….)
So I got there, sat down, and just kind of gaped for five minutes, because life is so stressful at the moment that my brain has packed up.
But then, I started to get a lot of chizzuk and insight. The main insight I got at the Baba Sali deserves its own post, so BH you’ll get that tomorrow, as keeping the ‘Emunaroma’ plate spinning is still very important to me.
But really, how long can this continue?
And I know it’s not just me.
I don’t know anyone at the moment who doesn’t feel like their whole life is in a tumultuous whirlwind, a maelstrom, a tornado of frantic activity and uncertainty. The winds of change are literally sweeping the planet, and giving us all a good battering.
I’m still hanging in there - just about - but it seems to me at least some of those plates will smash soon, if God doesn’t step down the pace a little and ease up on the madness.
The Baba Sali calmed me down enough to cope with everything else I came back home to yesterday, but how long can this continue?
How long can I carry on eating a bowl of cereal as my main meal of the day and washing my washing 3 times because I don’t hang it up before it gets that mouldy smell from being left in the washing machine too long?
I don’t know.
But I do know this: This can’t continue on for much longer.
Because if it does, we’ll all be far too exhausted and whacked-out of our minds to even notice when Moshiach finally shows up.