I woke up feeling stressed out of my skin again, for the 80th day in a row, and I had that slightly panicked feeling that this couldn’t continue a minute, nay, a second longer.
But how to get it to stop?
I’d tried the six hours hitbodedut thingy; I’d tried to address most of the ‘big’ issues that have been secretly stressing me out for the last few weeks; I tried to figure out what teshuva I still needed to make (always an ongoing issue, and it will be until 120, BH).
Usually, that stuff works a treat - as soon as I figure out the message, the stress and ‘yuck’ feeling disappears, even if the superficial problem still tarries a while longer. But the last few weeks, nothing, nothing, nothing has been working.
Not rescue remedy, not prayer, not long walks, not visits to the Kotel, nothing, nothing, nothing.
The last time I felt like this was 1 ½ ago, at the height of the so-called ‘stabbing intifada’. Before that, the last times I felt like this is just before Israel got rocketed from Gaza in July 2014. And before that, when Israel got rocketed from Gaza in 2012.
Which is when the penny dropped: I need to go to Uman, pronto.
I have no idea if another war or something is in the offing, but once I realised I was having my standard ‘war stress arras’ back, it was a no-brainer to find some flights to Uman - and to take my whole family with me.
Because we’re all stressed out of our skulls at the moment, from the top to the bottom.
I went online, found some reasonably cheap tickets for around Chanuka time, booked…..
And felt instantly so much better.
And if that wasn’t enough, the hour after I booked a difficult problem that’s been niggling one of my kids for two months resolved itself. And two hours after I booked, a difficult problem that’s been niggling my husband for the best of 10 years took a huge leap forward to resolving itself.
And if that wasn’t enough, my forehead finally started to uncrease a little, and I stopped looking like I was 167 years old, which believe me, was worth the plane ticket all by itself, vain woman that I am.
Buried in the news today are reports that Greece, Southern Italy and Turkey are being hit by highly unusual floods and tornadoes (!) that the locals are describing as ‘biblical’.
Greece, Rome and Turkey were the three empires that tormented the Jews the most up until the beginning of the 1900s, when Her Majesty’s British Empire and then the Nazis and then the Arabs took over.
Maybe, Divine payback time is finally beginning.
Whatever else we can say, all these highly unusual weather events all over the world are clearly pointing to ‘something’ messing up the weather in a big way right now.
On that note, I got sent the following lovely thing over email by a reader, and I asked her permission to share it with you, too.
If you can’t get to Uman in the next few weeks (which is HIGHLY recommended) than thinking positive thoughts and turning to Hashem is still a good fall-back position.
I just wanted to say hi. I've been reading your blog and reading some of your book (not too much time on my hands) and I've been reading 'geulah blogs' for over a year. Maybe two.
And with this I've have so many ups and downs. Like I REALLY expected Moshiach a few times to show up. Like literally twice that I can clearly remember being honestly surprised that the day ended and he wasn't revealed.
And then the lowwwwww that followed.
But BH, we are people and people have ups and downs and ups and downs.
What's amazing is that we do keep getting up again.
The yetzer hara really tries to keep us down but BH we 'hold on' and keep waiting.
I am feeling the anxiousness of maybe THIS really is it.
And then the fear of the year in the desert, or war like beyond anything any Hollywood horror could imagine, or our entire existence being uprooted and turned over completely happening.
That's the scary stuff the yetzer hara wants me to focus on.
So I made a new image.
Over the next 35 days or so.. (it was 40 days when I began this imagery):
The sun just shining and warming us so nicely a little bit more and more each day as Hashem raises His presence in the world until there's just one flash at the end like the flash of a camera. Nothing bigger. Just simple and pleasant.
And the people just get a little more ready and a little more ready each day. And then he's just here. Moshiach. Like a smooth transition that has only pleasantness and simcha.
And it helps me be calm (either way how can I prep for wwIII - I live in chutz l'aretz and have BH a family (husband) who isn't ready to hop on my dream of moving to Israel.
But I've packed up back packs and our passports are ready if we ever do get the 24 hour last chance to get to Israel before all heck breaks loose moment....
So as I told my friend who feels this sense of .....unrest..?..urgency mixed with lethargy...?... Rav Kanievsky said Moshiach is at the door.
We just have to wait.
And while we wait just collect mitzvos and keep trying again and again to weed out the bad middos.
We're doing good, BH.
Keep going along the good path to Hashem. And even when we're angry He wants to hear our voices.
See you soon with geulah shelema bmheira byamenu brachamim rabbim.