The people we most need to talk to (as always…) are our kids and our spouse, and probably not even in that order. As you may have noticed, I have a big mouth, and I tend to 'overshare' with the whole world. It definitely has its drawbacks at times (I mean, it's hard to keep your dignity intact when everyone knows you're a lunatic hyperchondriac…) BUT, I've realised that it's actually good to talk.
To take just one example, over the years I've met so many people that have no idea what their spouse actually thinks or believes about hugely important issues that directly affect their lives and well-being. We live with these people. We eat with them. We wash their socks (I'm reminding myself of the wife in Fiddler on the Roof now…), but how much do we actually connect to them?
I know we're all busy cooking, and school-running, and working, and cleaning for Pesach, but ladies, it's so good to talk to our husbands. I also know it's often easier, nicer and more enjoyable to talk to our girlfriends, but the guys need all the help they can get to express themselves and emote, and if we don't help them, who's going to do it?
So without any further ado, let me unveil my 'Loaded (but very useful…) stuff to talk to your husband about' exercise, inspired by something I read in Rav Svirsky's book, Connection. Enjoy!
On a sheet of people, answer the following questions:
- What are your main goals in life (spiritual and material)?
- Have you shared these goals with your spouse? Why / why not?
- What are your biggest faults, issues or flaws?
- How might your own faults, issues or flaws be affecting your shalom bayit?
- What is the most difficult thing for you to forgive?
- What are your minimal expectations from your marriage (spiritual and material)?
- What do you consider to be the most important qualities in other people?
- What do you think are the most important qualities in a spouse?
- What emotions or reactions do you find it the most difficult to deal with? Why?
- What situations cause you the most stress, and why?
- Are you ready to talk to your spouse about your answers to these questions? If no, what's stopping you?