(If you’d like me to interview YOU, or you know of a creative, frum Jewish woman that would like to be interviewed, please drop me a line.)
I am NOT an internet browser, and there’s 3-4 sites that I usually go to on a regular basis, and that’s it. (If you’re wondering what they are, take a look at the blog roll on the sidebar to your right.)
To cut a long story short, I’ve been finding some very interesting blogs out there. But what I’ve also been noticing is how many of these blogs have tailed off, ended, and gone cold. Often, the person writing them seems to have experienced some sort of
enormous personal or spiritual crisis (or 12….) and stopped writing.
From what I can tell, the ones that are still going (and that people are still reading…) are the ones where the person writing them is writing REAL. They aren’t writing to keep their audience happy, or to fit into a ‘blog persona’, or simply just to keep people coming back to their site and to be a ‘blog authority’. They’re writing and sharing real stuff, from the heart, the ups and downs, the good and the bad.
So now, here’s how this all relates to Emunaroma. I don’t know if it’s because ‘The Secret Diary’ is coming out soon, or if it’s just part of the general existential angst I frequently wrestle with, but the last few weeks, from before Pesach, I was starting to feel that writing for Emunaroma was getting a little difficult.
I did some hitbodedut, or talking to God about it all, and I got a couple of clear steers that I should continue writing (because sometimes, I really do feel like giving up), and that I should WRITE REAL, even if that means I sometimes make mistakes or offend people.
That doesn’t mean I have carte blanche to break any of the rules of evil speech, or lashon hara, and I know sometimes I sail close to the wind on that score. But generally, I’m very careful, especially with ‘controversial’ posts, to abide by the laws of evil speech.
I made an agreement with God that if I make a mistake in my writing - as I have in the past, and inevitably will do again in the future - that I won’t get all belligerent and stubborn about it (hopefully), and that I will fix the problem, make the teshuva I need to make, and move on.
But here’s the thing: I’m not writing this blog to keep you ‘happy’ dear reader, although I so appreciate your time in reading this stuff, and your thoughtful input and interactions with me.
I realised a few days’ ago that I’m writing this blog to keep Hashem happy.
And sometimes, Hashem gives me the impulse to march into murky waters that I know are going to cause me some trouble, and press other people’s buttons. Like, xtianity being straight-up pagan-worship, for example, and something that Jews should steer completely clear of.
(On that note - and in keeping with the spirit of this post - I can’t understand how frum Jews are reading ‘Breaking News in Israel’, which is a xtian news site, and has made my skin crawl the couple of times I followed a link back to it. But that’s a post for another time.)
Or, like the ‘golus mentality’ that I keep coming up against in even the frummest recesses of the orthodox Jewish world, where people seem to have an innate dislike of anything to do with Moshiach, or even discussing Moshiach. Again, this is so bizarre and ‘anti-Jewish’, as believing in the Moshiach is one of the Ramban’s 13 principles.
Pointing these things out is clearly going to upset a few people, I know, and lead to some abusive emails, which are really no fun to receive and often cause me a great deal of soul-searching.
Which is where Rebbe Nachman and Rav Berland come into the mix, because both of these Torah giants teach that when people abuse you, shame you and disgrace you, they are actually giving you spiritual diamonds.
That teaching gives me so much strength, and it’s also the reason that BH, I’m continuing to happily write Emunaroma, and I’m continuing to write REAL, even though some people don’t like it.
We live in an upside-down world. The people shouting loudest about ‘peace n’ love’ and ‘tolerance’ are the same ones rioting to stop people with different viewpoints from speaking on college campuses, and the same ones writing eye-poppingly abusive emails and facebook comments, and the same ones who completely overlook their own issues and flaws to come charging-in at the ‘enemy without’ in an attempt to close down sincere expression and discussion.
When people are really coming from a place of real ‘love’, you feel it. And when they aren’t - you feel it (and want to gouge their eyes out…)
I am writing this blog to keep Hashem happy, and for as long as Hashem wants me to point out that xtianity is idol-worship, Monsey, Lakewood, London and Chicago is not the promised land, it’s really hard to get on with most mother-in-laws, and that Moshiach is a Jewish REALITY, I will continue to do that.
I have to keep writing REAL, even though it’s sometimes sharp, and sometimes misjudged, because otherwise, I will stop writing. People make mistakes. Bloggers - even frum Jewish bloggers - aren’t perfect. Dear reader, you are encouraged to write in and tell me in a nice way if you think something is ‘off’, and I will take your views on board and if they are valid, I will do my best to fix the problem, and to try to become a better person.
I will not stop writing things that upset abusive, critical or hypocritical people, so if this blog bothers you, please don’t read it anymore.
Part of the joy of Emunaroma is that I’m meeting some truly amazing, wonderful people on this journey. I’d love for that to continue, and I appreciate the thoughtful feedback I get from you (even when you disagree with me, in a nice way) tremendously.
Going forward, I want Emunaroma to be a place where I / we can air out these controversial issues that so many of us are impacted by, but scared to talk about or address, in a mutually-respectful, halachically-acceptable, REAL way.
As I’ve written before, doing this blog is a very narrow bridge, and I will inevitably slip-up and misjudge things occasionally. That’s what happens, when you write real stuff, from the heart, about things you really care about.
When that happens, I encourage you to tell me nicely. I want Emunaroma to be a kiddush Hashem, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to tackle tricky subjects, and particularly the things that so many others seem to be steering clear of (in all areas of their life) because they’re scared of being attacked by psychos.
Here's the thing: Psychos don’t scare me.
But writing ‘fake’ stuff, and pretending to be someone I’m not, and not keeping God happy - that stuff keeps me awake at night.