Ancient Egypt woke up to the news that Jewish terrorists had struck their country, in a daring raid which caused every source of water to become polluted with blood overnight.
Speaking on Channel 2, Kismat Bakari, the head of the ShishBak Egyptian Secret Service said: “At least 60% of these environmental pollution acts were deliberate, and carried out by Jewish terrorists.”
Bakari vowed that he would track down the Jews responsible for the latest atrocity, and commented that the ShishBak had already rounded-up 20 likely looking suspects - all Jews from the Nile’s West Bank.
Shocking footage was also released of the head terrorist, Moshe Rabbenu, and an accomplice, deliberately poisoning the river close to the Egyptian capital, Memphis.
Later on, Pharoah Nistmatayu broadcast a live statement to the nation saying: “I am holding Moshe Rabbenu, the head of the Jewish terrorists, responsible for this atrocity. The Egyptian people will not be broken be acts of terrorism, and we will use all means at our disposal to track down the infiltrators and show them the State of Egypt means business.”
According to sources within the Jewish camp, as soon as this act of environmental terrorism began, the Jews began a twitter campaign using ‘#The first plague’, and Facebook was full of posts stating that ‘Hashem was taking his revenge’ against the heretical and God-less Egyptian government for their persecution of the Jews, and in particular, for their treatment of the Jewish leader, Moshe Rabbenu.
Moshe Rabbenu is a well-known fugitive from justice who absconded from the country 60 years ago after deliberately murdering a high-ranking Egyptian official in public. Despite the ShishBak’s efforts to track Moshe Rabbenu down and bring him back to stand trial, Rabbenu managed to elude them for decades by disguising himself as a shepherd. (Other sources claim that he disguised himself as the King of an African country.)
After 60 years of diplomatic wrangling with Midian, the Midianite Justice Minister Jethro agreed to incarcerate Moshe Rabbenu for ten years down a well, pending his extradition back to the State of Egypt.
Upon his return, the 80 year old Moshe Rabbenu was immediately brought for trial to the Court of Ra in Memphis for his crimes against the State of Egypt, particularly the capital crime of encouraging the Jewish people to believe in Hashem.
Rabbenu made the stunning claim in court that the Jewish people should be freed, and threatened dire retribution if justice wasn’t done. Immediately after his court appearance, the Jewish terrorists struck, and poisoned every source of water in the country.
While the ShishBak are still trying to figure out how it was possible for two-and-a-half terrorists to poison more than 250 watering holes in the same two day period without being seen or stopped, they are certain of one thing: There is absolutely NO WAY that God could behind all this.
The State of Egypt has vowed to not bow to terrorism; to crush the Jewish terrorists in their lairs; and to keep the leader of the Jewish terrorists, Moshe Rabbenu, in prison for the next 200 years.
“Moshe Rabbenu is a very dangerous man,” said Bakari. “He believes in the primacy of Torah law, he’s the head of a very large community, and he has a big impact on the people he comes in contact with”
The Jewish terrorists released a statement saying that if Moshe Rabbenu wasn’t released from prison ASAP, and allowed to lead his community in the service of Hashem, the State of Egypt would be hit by a devastating plague of frogs.
The ShishBak claim they are on the verge of breaking up this ‘Jewish terrorism’ ring, and that the residents of the State of Egypt should not be unduly concerned. “This is a fringe group and they’re making delusional claims,” stated Bakari. “The plague of frogs is simply a conspiracy theory designed to scare the State of Egypt into taking their claims that there is an Omniscient Creator of the world more seriously.
“There is no God, there is no Divine Providence, and the State of Egypt will continue to terrorize and abuse the Jewish slaves for the next 3,000 years. Justice will be done.”
Mehmet Batbura contributed to this report.
“All the terrible forest fires that are happening now around Zichron Yaacov are because of the persecution and suffering of the holy Tzaddik, Rav Eliezer Berland. The measure of justice is being weighed out primarily against us in the North, and we need to know that the terrible fires that are burning there in a few different places are because Rav Berland is being held in the North, close to Tiveria.
“The midrash says that when people persecute and shame Tzaddikim, then HaKadosh Baruch Hu brings fires to the world! All the slanderers and people who are speaking libels and falsehoods about this awesome, holy Tzaddik should be aware that soon, judgment will occur, and that there is a Judge mamash, who will reveal his [Rav Berland’s] honor and innocence to every eye."
As believing Jews, we know that God is behind the 'Esh Intifada'. Now, we have to figure out WHY it's really happening, spiritually-speaking and what message God is trying to give us.