I mean, a few short months' ago, I was living in a very quiet village (apart from all the rockets being fired from Hamas…) and the nearest Arab terrorist was hopefully many miles away.
Today, barely a day goes by when someone else doesn't tell me about a stabbing that happened up the road, round the corner, on the way to school. I sit here listening to all the multiple sirens going off, trying to work out in which direction they're headed and whether my children (or husband) are anywhere near.
Baruch Hashem, usually not.
But it's a massive test of emuna.
You should know, last Summer when my husband talked about moving to Jerusalem, the first 'issue' I had with it was the dangerous Arabs, and that was months before all the violence that's going on right now.
G-d is really putting my emuna that He's running the world to the test right now. Every time I leave the house. Every time my family leaves the house. I go through the whole mental process again:
"It's dangerous out there! Keep them home."
"You can't. Don't scare them. Don't get all paranoid."
"But it's dangerous out there!"
"Nothing can happen unless Hashem wills it; just go put in some more tzedaka and pray on them some more…"
"How'd I get into this situation, anyway? How on earth did it happen that me, who's really scared of Arabs, is living a minute away from East Jerusalem and sending my kids to the Old City every day for school?"
"It's the socks, remember?"
Ahhh. The socks. The socks my kids point-blank refused to wear. The socks that barred them from every local school except one: the one in the Old City.
At this point, I either have to let it go, or I could seriously go crazy.
My husband said to me the other day, when we went to collect one kid from a friend's house in the middle of an unfriendly-looking Muslim village in East Jerusalem, that probably the Jews that live there have no idea what they are doing there, either.
Some coincidence, some fluke, some 'matzav' occurred, and they wound up there without really understanding how or why. G-d put them there, just like G-d put me and my family in our present surroundings.
One thing is for sure, it's building my day-to-day emuna like nothing else. If I didn't really believe in G-d, and in His goodness, and in the fact He's listening to my prayers and protecting my family, I think I'd have shipped out to Jamaica by now, or at the very least become an alcoholic ☺
Thank G-d for emuna, however imperfect and flawed. Without it, how on earth would we cope?