My latest book is inexplicably 'stuck' with the designer, who's been brilliant up to now but is currently running a month late getting a bunch of small amends done.
Despite doing all the giveaways, and reviews and social media stuff I know how to do (which is admittedly not a whole lot...), I've sold a whopping ZERO books the last six weeks.
Hard as I try, I can't seem to get anywhere with all this stuff, which is usually a sign that God is telling me to calm down a little and go and hang up my washing.
Slowing down is easier said than done
But it’s proving easier said than done. Every time I realize I really do need to slow down a bit, some other crisis or issue erupts, or some other idea takes root in my brain and I feel compelled to get on with it before, well, ‘the end’.
That’s how it’s been for years, actually, that I’m rushing to get everything done before ‘the end’, presumably when Moshiach shows up, and redemption occurs, and all my answering activities on Quora grind to a halt.
But the last week or two, I’ve been having this strange idea that maybe, just maybe, it’s possible for at least some of my main issues to get resolved without Moshiach doing it for me. That notion, bizarre and alien as it first sounded when it popped up in my head a little while ago, is actually helping me to get quite a few things ‘unstuck’, while at the same time encouraging me to slow down.
How’s it doing that?
Life beyond next week
Well, for the first time in ages I’m actually starting to think in terms of beyond next week. I’ve been living in this Moshiach-ready crazy reality where he really is coming – if not today, then tomorrow. And if not then, it has to definitely be by the end of the month. On the one hand, this belief has paralysed me from doing things I really should be getting on with (like arranging braces for my kids, or starting to think about how to buy my own home again, practically without Moshiach-induced open miracles).
And on the other, it’s been a harsh taskmaster, screaming at me to publish 4 books already, and write 10,000 words a week while I’ve still got a computer and electricity…
But I can’t carry on like that, by turns pressured and working like a lunatic, or apathetic and trapped, waiting for God and Moshiach to resolve all of my issues. I have to live in the here and now. I have to believe that life will continue for a good while yet. I have to stop holding my breath on the one hand, and stop ceaselessly cramming in more and more things on the other.
I have to slow down, so that I can actually start to get some stuff that doesn’t involve my keyboard done.
That much is becoming clear to me. How I actually go about doing this is still hidden in the mists. I’ll continue asking God for some clues and guidance; I’ll practice trying to stay off my computer at least some of the time; and I’ll hope that God will show me how I can really be the ‘me’ He wants me to be, just the calmer, more productive and more relaxed version who believes that even though Moshiach really might still come tomorrow, that’s not the end of the world as we know it, but actually (probably) the beginning.