Deeper Need number 5 is 'Sense of Purpose'. Without giving the whole game away, I'm reproducing the 'Sense of Purpose - Rules to live by' for you to print off and stick on your fridge while you're waiting for the book to come out so you can order 10 copies to give to all your friends (I'm working on my optimism, can you tell?)
Rules to live by - Sense of Purpose
- My husband signed the ketuba not me (ie, it's his job to pay for stuff that the family needs).
- The Arizal taught that the main soul correction we're all here to do is to learn emuna.
- Men learn emuna (and correct their souls) via making parnassa; women learn emuna (and correct their souls) via their families.
- When I try to do my husband's job, two things happen: I prevent him from learning emuna and turning to G-d; and I prevent myself from doing my own soul correction, because I'm off trying to be a man, instead of being a mother.
- When there are financial issues, they are ONLY coming to teach the man emuna and to get him to make teshuva. (this sounds controversial, but it's all based on Rav Arush and Torah.)
- The Gemara tells us: honour your wives and become rich. This is a big clue about what the man might need to make teshuva on. Other big 'money' issues include: lack of tznius (including ogling other women on the internet) spilling seed (including using birth control without rabbinical approval) anger; and, of course, lack of emuna.
- 'Lack of emuna' is when people refuse to see G-d behind their financial issues, and instead blame their wives for not working, or not working enough.
- Spiritually, women are the pipe of abundance for the home, including for finances. If we're miserable - even if we're working 3 jobs - our finances will be lousy. If we're happy - even if we aren't working at all - our finances will be blessed, even if there isn't a lot of money.
- 'Work' is not the same as 'purpose', and for women, they can often be diametrically opposed.
- It's not 'forbidden' for a woman to work, and it's not even a bad thing, but only under the following circumstances:
- She has to enjoy it enough to do it for free.
- It doesn't come ahead of her children, or at least, not on a regular basis (the odd deadline, the odd 'big' push is fine, but not as a regular way of life.)
- She has to WANT to be doing it, and not just doing it because her husband refuses to learn some emuna.