On Shabbat, I woke up from an amazing dream that we'd found our 'dream home' in Israel for 150,000 nis.... (If you know anything about house prices in Israel, you'll know that was 100% a DREAM.)
I woke up feeling so happy! Because God hadn't forgotten me, and we were finally sorting ourselves out a bit and getting back on our feet again!
And then....I realised it was just a dream, and that my life is as 'stuck' as ever on the getting-back-on-our-feet-financially-front.
My life is good, generally, but it's often challenging, and I have to work hard most of the time to keep reminding myself that it's good, and to keep believing that, because on the outside at least there's still a lot of things going on, or not going on, that have caused me a lot of heartache over the years.
To have something 'go right' so obviously was such a good feeling...but sadly, only a dream.
As shabbat progressed, I got more and more grumpy and irritable, until yesterday night I was in a terrible mood and growling at everyone in my poor family - and for no obvious reason.
Yesterday night, I had another very vivid dream, but this one didn't give me anything like a 'good' feeling when I woke up.
I was in England with my immediate family, when the earth started to shake and the wind started to blow a gale, and one big building after another started to collapse. I told me family to get out of there fast, and we ran down the stairs to escape - but most people either didn't take all the buildings collapsing seriously (and thought I was an over-dramatic psycho) or, had no idea how to actually escape and kind of got paralysed trying to figure out what they should actually be doing next.
I woke up from that dream where the ground was shaking...and it still felt to me like the ground was shaking in my room in Jerusalem. My legs were wobbly, I was feeling dizzy, and I half thought I was going to throw up.
I've had this sort of thing twice before: the day before the Har Nof massacre, and the day before a big terrorist attack in Paris.
But I've come online and checked and Baruch Hashem, apart from the French elections, all is quiet on the Western front.
But I felt so shaken up by my dream, I didn't really want my kids to go to school, or anyone to leave the house today. My husband calmed me down, told me 'it's just a dream' and sorted out everyone's lifts to the bus-stop and packed lunches.
I've calmed down a little bit now, but the wind was howling around Jerusalem when I woke up, and the weather had that 'apocalyptic' feel it sometimes gets when big things are coming down the spiritual pipes again.
How I so wish that the first dream would happen, and that the second dream will not!
But, maybe, probably they were both just 'pointless' dreams, designed to send me a message about something internal, but nothing more notable then that. I guess I'll find out soon enough.